Day 2: Viva Primavera!

Yesterday when I walked out my front door, I felt as though spring had exploded over the world.  Everything looked a smidgen brighter -- just a little more green.  I walked to my car with a wide grin on my face, taking in the beauty and all of the brilliance of color.  Even my charcoal grey car looked a bit greener than usual.  I teared up a bit...

... and sneezed.

In actuality, the world was a bit greener than usual due to the fine coating of pollen that covered everything from the roof of my house to the inside of my sinuses.  Viva Primavera, indeed.

It's at times like this, when my allergies are at their worst that I try to remember that nothing grows without some irritation.  Nothing worth doing comes without effort.  Without the bad things in life to offer us contrast, all of the good things would seem far less significant.  I know you've probably heard all of this malarkey before and it makes you want to groan a bit.  Go for it.  I'm not writing this for you.  Personally, I like to have my daily reminder of why I work -- why I stare down adversity with a big toothy grin.  Because the alternative is complacency and boredom.

I'll take my challenges, thank you.

Today I woke up with every intention of opening the game "just for an hour or so."  I don't have to be to work until 2:00 pm.  Why shouldn't I indulge?  Fortunately for me, I was smart yesterday and left this thing open so I would see it first thing when I woke up The Beast (my computer) this morning.  Thanks Self.  *wink*

Now then, I suppose I should write about what I did yesterday after I posted my first entry and before I went to work.  Under normal circumstances, I would have probably played my game right up until time to get dressed and rush out the door.  Most likely, I would have been a few minutes late.  That happens a lot when I'm cracking out on a game before work (thought not nearly as bad as it did when I was into MMORPGs.  We'll talk about that another day.)  I wouldn't have eaten a good meal before hand, which would have resulted in me feeling tired all night on the job.

Instead I got up, went downstairs, and made myself a nice lunch.  I ate out on the back porch where I could enjoy the sights and sounds of spring and inhale some pollen with my food.  After lunch, I still had about ninety minutes to burn.  I cleaned up my mess and wrote out a list of things that I need to get done in the next couple of days then started at the top.  "Tend plants."

My little indoor garden has fallen into pretty sad shape since my last move back in January.  They're tucked into a back room -- the only place I could find to put them -- so I don't see them as much as I used to.  Out of sight, out of mind.  A couple of them were slightly wilted and the white flies which I thought I had eliminated two months ago were back.  No problem.  Since spring is here and the weather is warm, I carried most of them outside and into the sunshine.  After watering and fertilizing my poor neglected babies, I sprayed them down with insecticidal soap and positioned them so each one would get the right amount of light.

They all looked much happier today when I went out to check on them as the coffee pot did its work.  They look happier and I feel happier.  Not sure what I'm going to do with the rest of my morning, but you can bet your loratadine that it will include breakfast outside with my leafy babies.  That said, I'm going to go make myself an omelet.

Day 1: Anger and Accountability

I have a problem.

It's something to which I've given a lot of thought over the years -- something that I think I have always known about. I just haven't done much to fix it.

I have an addiction to video games. I'm sure it stems from the boredom I felt as a child after my family moved from our twenty-eight acres of forest into the suburbs of Seattle. What's a seven year old tom boy to do when suddenly her trees and bugs have been replaced by rain and asphalt? Play Super Nintendo, of course. Hey, I like animals and Yoshi sure is cute. It's so colorful and appealing. How could I say no?

...

So for the past twenty three years I've used such electronic escapism to hide from my short-comings. Not that it's much to brag about, but I am quite good at games. I have a sharp mind and I learn fast, so naturally such childish pursuits come easily to me. Sounds pretty arrogant, I'm sure. You'll get over it.

So by now, you might be wondering "What changed?" If you aren't, that's quite alright. I'm still going to tell you. As I lay in bed last night, thinking about my life and how I keep getting jerked around by people who have no right to fiddle with my happiness and well-being, I realized that I have only myself to blame. Despite all of the things that I'm good at -- despite all of my potential -- I don't apply myself because I'm too busy hiding in my safe electronic world where mistakes are as easy to fix as loading your last save. Hell! I just wrapped up draft one of my first novel back in December. Ask me if I've really tried to get it published. Okay, don't ask. I haven't. I've played with it, I've been proofing it, but I always have an excuse for why it's not done. I'm tired. I'm depressed today. I have to go to work in a few hours.  My day job is bringing me down ... blah blah blah.

Yea, the list goes on and on, and last night as I lay there with rage and righteous indignation leaking from my eyes onto the pillow after getting slapped in face at work *again* ... I had a moment of clarity. The fire burned down and lo and behold, there beneath the flames was the focus I needed to fix the mess that I've made of my life.

This journal will serve to be the voice of my accountability.